The Great Lamborghini Thrash of 2008

As a lowly creator of letters and words that appear on a printed page, I have been greatly blessed with the absence of my bewildered face in any sort of the gossip media which is currently molesting the world. In other words, I am not a celebrity, and thank the good Lord.
Many naive bumpkins [...]

Grocery Shopping in a Lamborghini

It was a moment of sheer jubilation: I put the key into the brand-spankin’ new Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4, the starter motor whirred, but failed to produce engine life. It was a lovely sound: the sound of a sputtering Lamborghini. An almost nostalgic sound, the sound of Lamborghinis past, the sound of Italian crapicity. [...]

The Pros and Cons of a Reliable Lamborghini

The guy from Lamborghini was as German as Spaten Optimator. As German as a gasthaus. As German as a Kunstmuseum. But he was also a diplomatic, sleek, polite European-Unionized German. His name was Franz, and he reminded me a bit of Captain Von Trapp from the Sound of Music, but sans the whistle, the British [...]

The Misinterpretation of Smart

A couple days ago, I had the privilege of stumbling across a dealership that sold the Smart car. Yes, that’s right, that toaster-sized German import that is loved by all sorts of Euro environmentalists who wear socks with their sandals, eat leaves, and hate Bush.
Needless to say, I’ve always been a skeptic of the [...]

Driving the Aston Martin DBS

The Emotional Control Unit of the Aston Martin DBS has been making me moody for a good few days now. My emotions have been running extremely high; and that’s a good thing. Since I’ve been driving around in the Aston, I feel sort of like the unpopular kid in high school who, by some [...]

The Car Critic’s Paradox and the Aston Martin DBS

After reading my last article, my Editor was supremely pleased at my interpretation of the Aston Martin DBS. Asking what he meant by “interpretation”, he said he liked how I explained it as a preferred method of transport when arriving at high-stakes poker game.
Now I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I actually [...]

In Praise of British Cars

Recently, I’ve been spending many words expressing my love for the Italian car, but I have been somewhat leaving out my adoration for the Italian car’s antagonist in soul, the British car.
It has always been a personal struggle of mine, the choice of whether to side with the Italians and drive cars with (Italian car [...]

The Essence of Cool: the Phantom Drophead Coupe

I’ve often put a lot of thought into what makes a car cool. Is it the color? The make? The engine? The person driving it? Actually, the real question is: what is “cool”?
“Cool” is impossible to define concretely. “Cool” may be described as a personality, or it may be described as one’s appearance. [...]

The Perfect Place to Review a Fiat 500

My new Italian friends insisted that I pass through their town again on my return to Rome; they would be offended and terribly sad if I left the country without a proper goodbye dinner. I said I would return, and then waved goodbye as I puttered off in my Fiat 500. Alas, I [...]

The Magic of Mini

The Philosopher gets an assignment.
The tacky-poster-laced cubicles of the Publication were abuzz today, as my editor has just announced three staffers will be Chosen to do an overseas assignment. When we read the memo on the bulletin board, we all sort of looked at each other the same way Olympic ping-pong athletes would look [...]