Magic India Discovery, and Other Ferrari Weirdnesses

Jump to Comments

When I decided to become a journalist who drove cars for a living, I did it for a number of reasons. First, I would not have to cover politics, a job I considered closely similar to being the manager of a Victoria’s Secret in downtown Tehran. I would also not have to journey to areas where road testing a car meant making sure its exhaust manifold was free of chunks of C4 before turning the ignition. To be free of these troubles and still be able to call myself a journalist was something I could live by.

Nevertheless, when I joined the roster of writers for the Publication, I never knew what I would be in for. So far, I’ve driven a Pagani Zonda around the Arc d’Triomphe, raced an Emir up a windy mountain road in the UAE, driven an Aston Martin up the Big Sur, become lost in the Atlas Mountains in a Range Rover, and have a serious case of the runs on account of dinner in Marrakech. Whether all of this has “built character,” made me “seasoned,” or given me “profound journalistic experience,” I really don’t know. All I know is that where I am right now might top all my previous experiences.

I’m currently in the town of Trivandrum, a coastal city near the southern tip of India. That’s right, India: the home country of your neighborhood cardiologist. My respectable Editor has secured me a seat in one of two Ferrari 612 Scagliettis magically discovering India in Ferrari’s “Magic India Discovery,” a rally-like PR event where smarmy journalists are given an opportunity to drive a Ferrari in India for no apparent reason. Today, the Fezzas arrive in Trivandrum with their cortege of Tata trucks, and on Tuesday, it’s my turn to fumble around with the paddle shifters and trek for 5 days to Bangalore.

If I’m brutally honest, India is sort of the last place on earth I want to visit, second only to Paris. Unlike many Westerners who are fascinated by free trade, curry, sitar music, and airlines named after fish-catching birds, I just simply do not find the Indian culture endlessly fascinating. Maybe it’s because curry turns my esophagus into a nuclear fuel rod and my stomach into Chernobyl. But the idea of magically discovering India in an Italian GT car makes as much sense to me as oatmeal pizza.

The biggest problem I have with Ferrari’s latest endurance/PR stunt is the connotations it has with Indian big businesses, which are, let’s face it, taking over the world. Tata Motors, a major sponsor of this event, just bought two of the most respected British auto manufacturers in the world: Jaguar and Land Rover. It just happens that Mammary Gland Motors also makes the Nano, a $2500 car destined to make the streets of New Dehli look like the assembly line of an Aspirin factory. This is just a disgrace to Jag and L-Rover. We all know that they raided Ford’s parts bin for fixtures and what-nots; now they’ll have to share a parts bin with people building that four-wheeled moped. Doesn’t Jaguar and Land Rover already have enough quality control problems?

What I’m most stratospherically nervous about is a Tata purchase of Ferrari. I swear, if Ferrari lets itself be bought by Tata Motors, I will tearfully but staunchly boycott the Prancing Horse forever. No, wait: by that time, it will be the Prancing Elephant. And then there’s Spyker’s Formula One team, which has been transmogrified into “Team Force India,” helmed by that really rich guy who runs some India-only airline. F1 television commentators’ comments will be priceless.

Now I don’t mean to sound too anti-India. I have nothing against India itself. Since I’ve been here, it has been exactly like what I expected: hot, sweaty, odorous, with lots of taxicabs. Trivandrum is rather nice, though, since it’s a coastal town, so you do get some relief in the form of a cool, oceanic breeze. The scenery is decent, to say the least; and any opportunity to drive a Ferrari is an opportunity wisely taken. The Scag has always been a favorite of mine, and I wouldn’t put it past its gangly little face to make me actually enjoy myself.

I’ll check back in a couple days from now at the first checkpoint of my stage.

3 Comments

Filed under Adventures

Tags: adventure, automobiles, cars, culture, economy, endurance race, ferrari, ferrari magic india discovery, india, journalism, journey, tata motors, travel, travelogue, world, writing